I’m sure you’ve heard this quote: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” (attributed to motivational speaker Jim Rohn), or “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future” (so said trillionaire businessman Dan Pena). Forming the right group of people around you can be fundamental to your personal growth, happiness, and success. It’s also, in my opinion, one of the major factors in people being able to make life transformation, and stick with it through the hard times. Having people close to you who share the same interests, values and goals means having people that encourage and support, rather than people who may question your decisions and actions.
Sometimes this can mean making difficult decisions about the people in your life. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to cut people out of your life (though in the right scenario, it might), but maybe that you spend less time with more negative people, or form connections with new people who are on the same journey you are. Sometimes we spend time with people that we don’t really want to, just because it’s easier than making tough choices, changing what we do, or having difficult conversations. It’s a good idea once in a while to step back and think about what we want to do with our time, who we want to spend it with, and make changes based on that.
Here’s some tips on making changes in your tribe, friendship group, or network:
Take a step back and reflect: start by reflecting on your current relationships and assess whether they are beneficial or detrimental to your life. Consider how these individuals make you feel, the values that they hold, and the impact they have on your life.
Identify what you want: what are your goals, what do you want to change, and what kind of people would be supportive of these goals? Maybe you’re looking for people to share interests because your current friends don’t, maybe you’re looking for mentors who are already living the life you want to, or maybe you’re just looking for more positive influences in your life
Set boundaries: if there are toxic or negative people in your life, start establishing boundaries to reduce, minimise or eliminate their influence. This may be reducing the amount of time you spend with them, limiting contact, ending contact with them entirely, or setting clear expectations about how you want to be treated. It’s best to be honest in these situations. Have the difficult conversations nicely rather than leaving people confused, be kind and treat people how you would like to be treated in this situation.
Seek out like-minded individuals: pursue more time with friends or colleagues that share your values and interests, or who you know are positive influences. Make the effort to meet new people if you want to. Join clubs, go to classes, join online and face to face communities, find people who share your hobbies, passions and career interests.
Networking: this isn’t for everyone as this is many people’s worst nightmare, but if it’s your thing go to networking events. This is a great way to meet people and start building / widen your professional network, and maybe meet some people who become friends further down the line.
Gradual transition: this kind of change can be done over time. You don’t need to make major decisions, and everything in life doesn’t have to be black and white. A good friend for many years can still be someone you enjoy spending time with, but maybe they’re just not one of the five you want to spend the majority of your time with. You can gradually change the time that you spend with people and increase your new friendships and connections, and the time you spend with them.
Nurture relationships: if you already have great people in your life who you know have a positive influence and who will support you throughout your life, take care of them! Invest time in your relationship as quality relationships, even professional rather than friendship, require time and effort.
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