The Cost of Constant Coping: Why Saying “I’m Fine” Might Be Holding You Back

Many of the leaders I work with are competent, capable professionals who appear to be managing everything with ease. They lead busy teams, juggle competing priorities, and keep multiple plates spinning, often without letting anyone see just how much effort that takes.

On the outside, they look calm and in control. But on the inside, it’s a different story. The emotional toll of constantly “coping” can quietly accumulate over time, leading to self-doubt, fatigue, and a gradual erosion of confidence and clarity.

What’s most striking is that, despite experiencing the physical and emotional symptoms of stress: disrupted sleep, mental fog, overthinking, irritability, or a constant sense of being behind, these individuals are often the least likely to ask for help. Instead, they tell themselves they’re fine, push through, and move on to the next demand.

This pattern of high-functioning stress is so common, and yet it’s rarely spoken about in a meaningful way.

The hidden pressure of being “the reliable one”

If you’ve built a reputation for being reliable and resilient, there’s often an unspoken pressure to maintain that image at all costs. You might not feel able to show vulnerability, even to those closest to you, because you’re used to being the one who holds things together.

Whilst there’s nothing wrong with being capable and dependable, constantly projecting that image can come at a cost. It can lead to a disconnect between how you appear and how you feel, which, over time, makes it harder to recognise your own needs and honour your limits. This kind of internal dissonance can gradually chip away at your sense of self, making it harder to make confident decisions or feel grounded in your role.

You might notice yourself over-preparing for meetings, second-guessing conversations, or replaying interactions late at night, wondering whether you said too much, not enough, or the wrong thing entirely. These quiet thought spirals may not be enough to raise alarms, but they can create a persistent sense of unease that’s difficult to switch off.

Why “fine” isn’t always fine

When stress becomes a constant backdrop to your life, it’s easy to overlook its impact. You start to believe that being tired, tense or emotionally flat is simply part of the job. You tell yourself it will pass — after this deadline, this project, this quarter — and things will return to normal.

But often they don’t. The demands shift, the pressure returns, and the stress becomes cyclical. Over time, this creates a normalised experience of chronic stress that is neither healthy nor sustainable.

The real risk of constantly coping is that you never give yourself the chance to reflect, reset or recover. Instead, you become skilled at managing symptoms without addressing the root cause, until something eventually gives.

The alternative to burnout isn’t giving up — it’s taking stock

Recognising that you’re not fine doesn’t mean you’re not good at your job. It doesn’t mean you’re failing, or that you can’t handle pressure. It simply means you’re human,  and that you’ve reached a point where your body and mind are asking for something different.

Support doesn’t have to be dramatic or disruptive. It might mean making time for ten quiet minutes in your day without your phone. It could look like finally booking that GP appointment you’ve been putting off, or speaking to a coach or mentor about how you’re really doing. It may be as simple as choosing to put back in place a boundary you’ve been ignoring.

The goal isn’t perfection, it’s sustainability. Small changes every day, or most days, create huge change long term. The leaders I work with often find that when they start paying attention to their stress levels and wellbeing, they don’t just feel better, they perform better at work, too.

If “I’m fine” has become your default response, even when something deeper is going on, it might be time to pause and ask yourself what you need, not just to survive this week, but to feel truly well in the long term.

You don’t have to wait for burnout to make a change. You can start now, with one small shift that supports the version of you behind the scenes, the one who’s been carrying more than anyone knows.