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Writer's pictureKaren

Creating Lasting Life Change: knowing what you want



One of the key challenges many people have is knowing that they want change, but don’t know what exactly they want to change, or what end result they want. This could be in relation to career or job; whether to stay in a current job or take the leap to another role, or whether or not they want to stay in their relationship, or if they would be happier on their own, or do they want to stay where they are living or move somewhere new, or, or, or…. Sometimes there could be a choice between two options, or sometimes we have no idea where to start re what we want from life. There is just no obvious route or ‘calling’. You know you want change, and that you don’t want what you’ve got, but you don’t know where you’re trying to get to, so how can you even start?


A good first step is getting clear on where you’re starting from and there are many ways to do this. There are many different components that make up our life: friends & family, personal growth, fun & leisure, home environment, career, money, health, partner. Conduct a simple life assessment of the key areas of your life using a Wheel of Life, grading these eight categories to see an overall view of your life. Rank your level of satisfaction with each area, from 1 - 10. This exercise gives you a picture of what you are happy with, and which areas of your life where you most want to create change.


Another way to get clearer on what you want is to create a life vision. It can seem daunting to even begin this, as you may logically think you don’t know what you want to do. However if you start to take yourself out of your everyday routine and allow yourself to spend some time to think about what you want, you might just be surprised by how easy it is to start to create a vision in your mind. Set aside some quiet time where you know you won’t be interrupted, close your eyes and let yourself think about what your ideal life would look like. Try and think beyond what you think is possible right now, and don’t let your thoughts be constrained by your reality. We can create way more than we think we can. At some point you will want to either draw or write down your vision, so that it’s clear, and you can easily refer back to it. No venture or business is likely to be successful without a vision, so when we’re talking about something as important as your life, it’s an important starting point.


Exploring your interests and what makes you happy can also be a good way of working out what you want. And if you don’t have time for interests at the moment, then think about what you used to enjoy, even as a child. Often thinking about this can spark thoughts about what you might want to do. What did you used to do, what brings you joy that you only do occasionally, what do you see other people doing that you would like to try? And if you really don’t know what brings you joy, then start trying new hobbies and experiences to see what does. Take yourself out of your comfort zone, get yourself out in the world, and see what happens. Making a list of what makes you happy, and a list of what you don’t like in your life can also be useful. Brainstorm and write whatever comes into your head. Again, you might get some surprises here, sometimes our daily routine-filled, busy-living heads help us to forget the good stuff.


Talking to friends, family and colleagues can help you to get inspiration. Hearing about other people’s lives, how they got to where they are, and how they live their lives can get you starting to think about what you want, or don’t want. Reading books, listening to podcasts, internet research and following so-called ‘successful’ people on social media can also be a good thing to do. There are many people out there sharing a lot of information about their lives, and one of them might turn out to be someone you want to use as an example and someone to follow.


Another option and one which I have favoured myself in the past, is to take action before you know exactly what you want, and trust that it will all work out along the way. Of course this depends on your situation, and I understand many people are unable to do this. However many people can and they’re letting fear hold them back. Life is short, and if you’re sure that you’re miserable in your job or unhappy in your relationship, then create a situation where you’re able to leave, and along the way work out your next steps, or trust that the Universe or whoever / whatever it is that you believe in will guide you along the way. This option takes a certain kind of person, and a whole lot of faith, but often getting out of the situation we are unhappy in gives us the space to get clear on what we want.


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