In October 2020 I experienced a burnout. Having spoken to many people who have experienced burnout, everyone seems to be affected in different ways. From my personal experience, I think the clue’s in the title. I literally pushed myself so far that my body burnt from the inside out until I couldn’t function from a physical, mental and emotional point of view.
I was so exhausted that I couldn’t walk down stairs in my house: chronic extreme fatigue which I had never experienced before. Very debilitating. Along with this, I had nosebleeds, faintness and dizziness, aches from head to toe, depression, lack of connection to anything or anyone in my life, brain fog, lack of memory, inability to concentrate or focus, confusion, sadness, sensitivity, lack of desire to go out or interact. And I’ve probably forgotten some stuff, or my clever brain has blocked it out.
I changed pretty much everything in my life after my burnout, and I don’t exaggerate when I say that. I’m so grateful that it happened; some people don’t have the chance to recover completely after burnout, or they have a heart attack or a stroke instead. I didn’t have an epiphany in a single minute, it was more a process over the past three years. One long epiphany! These days I’m a digital nomad, working and living where I want to, chasing sunshine (or not so much at the moment as I’m in London for winter!), discovery and new experiences, making time for the things that make me feel great: yoga, meditation, movement, the outdoors, healthy living, connection with great people, and alone time in my own lovely company.
A bit of background to my burnout: in October 2020 I had spent the year working in an extremely full on, responsibility laden, director level job, and for many years leading up to this I had been climbing the career ladder. I was taking over the corporate world one step at a time for a couple of decades and more. In 2020 our largest client was based in New York and I was working US hours from Singapore: lots of late nights. I am totally awful at late nights as I’ve always been an early bird, so the fact I did this for months on end is entirely ridiculous. Like many people, I got caught up in the Covid-era expectations of being on call and available round the clock. Historically I had thrived under extreme pressure (or at least I convinced myself I did), so I was used to feeling anxious, stressed, and very tired. It was almost my natural state.
I took a week off in October 2020 and leading up this worked even harder trying to get everything ‘finished’ before I went on holiday. The day before I was due to return to work I have a very clear memory of being in the pool with my friend saying I don’t think I can go back to work. This is not like me, I push on through (not a good thing by the way!), but I knew something was very wrong. Following this was an enforced 7 week break from work experiencing all of the symptoms I mentioned above. It was an awful time.
I returned to work but it was never the same. I went through months of trying to reconnect with my career, but ultimately I was a different person and I didn’t feel the same. This in itself was incredibly difficult. My career had been a huge part of my life for many years and a lot of my identity was tied up in it. Cue a lot of therapy and unpicking of deep patterns, beliefs and behaviours that were not serving me.
And so began my whole-life change. I feel like my life burnt to the ground when I had my burnout and then I built it all again from scratch. I know that sounds very dramatic but that’s the only way I can explain it. It made me confront what I actually wanted from life, and create the life I really wanted.
Over a period of three years up to now, November 2023, I have created Lasting Life Change across my life, with five main pillars:
Health: I’ve found what I call ‘my healthy’ which I can live for the rest of my life
Calm: I’ve created a calm life by unpicking old patterns and anxieties and replacing them with ways of living that soothe and balance
Self-care: I have built a life on a foundation of genuine self love and care
Work: I left the corporate world and set up my own businesses and find joy in my work every day
Freedom: I have found the courage to live the life I truly want to live
More on the process I went through to create change in each of these areas in future posts, however I’ll make my parting thought that if I can do it, anyone can do it. From my experience, creating real long term change takes time, persistence, determination and courage. But it’s totally possible for everyone if you want it enough, and also if you get help and support from the many qualified people out there, and the many wonderful people that can provide friendship and a support network.
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