For as long as I can remember since a young child I lived with anxiety that got more extreme as I got older. I did a brilliant job of covering it up and putting on a front that everything was fine, so it was my secret battle every day. It was a part of me for decades and as you will know if you suffer from anxiety, it becomes such a part of you that you can’t remember how you were before it. I had many ways to feed it too, it’s almost an addiction to keep that anxious buzz going. I took stressful recruitment sales jobs, I worked in cutthroat backstabbing City environments (my actual worst nightmare, I have no idea how I did it for so long), I smoked and binge drank (hangxiety is real), grabbed unhealthy food on the run, and lived a work-driven, sleep deprived life. An ideal recipe for chronic anxiety and stress.
After I had my burnout in October 2020, the emotional and mental fallout was as extreme as the physical symptoms. I was really struggling and my employer at the time encouraged me to see a therapist to help. They found me a brilliant psychiatrist and working with her changed my life. She helped me unpick my ‘unrelenting standards’ through schema therapy, recommended for people who have negative, self-destructive patterns, thoughts and feelings, usually since childhood, and especially helpful in treating chronic depression and anxiety. We worked through the negative effects of these in my life, replacing them with more healthy coping mechanisms, thoughts and ways of living. It was tough though, good therapy usually is. Getting to the core of what hurts and changing it is not for the faint hearted and it takes a long time. I saw my therapist every week for a year.
Two years later in my daily life I’m anxiety free (a little bit is needed by all of us as part of our fight or flight response). Here are my tips for an anxiety free life:
If your anxiety is affecting your daily life, get help. I am a huge advocate for therapy and in most cases we can’t solve our deep seated anxieties ourselves. If you find a good one, seeing a therapist will change your life
Sleep. This is top of my list for anxiety reduction and increased calm. Work out how much you need through experimentation and make sure you get it. It will change your life if you haven’t been prioritising it
Read, watch, listen to whatever interests you in relation to stress, anxiety and creating a calmer life. I found listening to, watching, reading other people’s stories both soothing and interesting
Find what soothes and calms you. My therapist called it a ‘self-soothe kit’ and she encouraged me to have something in it for every sense e.g. lavender oil for smell, calm song/s for hearing, a happy photo for sight, dark chocolate for taste, a crystal, stone or soft cushion for touch. Whatever brings you some kind of calm. Have the kit with you every day and use it as a go-to in times of stress and anxiety. Little things can make a big difference
Spend time in nature. When you feel absolutely terrible, force yourself to go outside, put your feet on grass, look up at trees, put your feet in water, sit on a bench in a park, whatever is possible for you. Again, often it’s the little things
Meditate, in whatever way is possible for you. If you find even the idea of it torturous, keep it short and simple. Taking just a few deep breaths signals our parasympathetic nervous system to calm the body down. It will also bring you into the present moment and for a few minutes you’ll be able to get off the anxiety train. Just stop for a minute or two and do it in whichever way you can
Try yoga. It’s one of my most calming things to do. I know it’s not for everyone, but try it. And if you still don’t like it, find your ‘yoga’, whatever that may be. The key is having something that you know that if you make yourself do it, it will make you feel better in some way (and many times I have had to force myself as my habit was being anxious)
Have calm people around you. Especially the key people you spend time with. Having dramatic people and situations in your life will create anxiety if you’re prone to it
Have a routine that you can go to if you feel yourself tipping into an anxious state. I still need to do this when life gets busy or something stressful happens. My routine: stop and work out what time I can create, cancel appointments and social stuff if needed so that I can get some time on my own. Make sure I have super healthy food, run a bath with epsom salts and lavender oil, go to bed early and have 8-9 hours sleep, and do yoga at some point soon. That’s usually enough these days. It’s the little things!
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