Always so much talk about self-love. But what does it actually mean? I’ve been on a journey from low self esteem and lack of confidence in myself (underneath a confident ‘power front’) to genuine self love and a life built on a foundation of self-care. It’s different for each one of us, and it’s about trial and error to find out what makes you feel valued and wonderful, and prioritising yourself above anyone and anything else in your life. Putting ourselves first can seem selfish when we have other people in our lives to care about, but until you really love and prioritise yourself, it’s impossible to show up in the best way for everyone else.
I’ve spent the past few years slowly changing myself and finding what self love means for me and my life: building my yoga and meditation practice, finding the things that make me feel calm and quell my anxiety (see my last blog for more information on this), removing toxic people from my life and prioritising the people that build me up and appreciate me, cutting out habits that bring me down and doing things that make me feel the healthiest and strongest I can be, discovering endless ‘self help’ books, podcasts and youtube videos by people that have done the work themselves.
Here’s what I’ve learnt along the way; some tips for living a life that cultivates self-love:
Speak to yourself as you would speak to your best friend: cut out the negative self talk, judgement and focus on what you do wrong, and instead focus on all that you’ve achieved and how amazing you are. Above all, be kind to yourself. Embrace your imperfections and mistakes as part of your journey. Trust yourself and your endless capabilities
Set boundaries: get to know what you need and be comfortable with saying it. Say no. Prioritise yourself and what you need. Surround yourself with the good people and get rid of the people that don’t respect you and your choices
Prioritise self-care. Make it non negotiable to do the things every day that help you to live a happy and calm life. Get enough sleep, eat nutritious food, do regular exercise, do the activities that bring you joy, create time for rest and recharge and rejuvenation so that you can be the best version of yourself
Celebrate your achievements. So often we do amazing things and move on to the next goal or activity. Stop, take some time to be proud of yourself and buy yourself a little treat
Be in the moment and be in the day. As we all know, it’s all we have. Stop yourself when you start to worry about things that haven’t happened yet and focus on what you do have. Even a tiny practice of meditation every day can help with this and can transform your ability to be present
Invest in yourself. If you can, spend money on coaching to get to where you want to be, if you can’t access the millions of free resources available in our amazing digital age. If you don’t have the money, then invest the time
Be patient. It takes time to change habits, but little changes every day will create the big change long term. Each step you take contributes to a strong foundation on which you can build your future life
Be grateful for all you are and all you have. For some, this means a formal gratitude practise every day, but do it in the way that works for you. Appreciate the little things. And when you feel that life is hard, read this quote from Sam Harris and appreciate what you do have: “to have your health, even just sort of. To have friends, even only a few. To have hobbies or interests and the freedom to pursue them. To have spent this day free from some terrifying encounter with chaos is to be lucky. Just look around you and take a moment to feel how lucky you are. You get another day to live on this earth. Enjoy it.”
Trust yourself. Once I learnt to trust myself in every situation and started to believe in my ability to manage whatever life throws at me, my anxiety reduced so much. You trust the most important people in your life, so make sure this trust extends to you
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